Communication and Public Speaking Blog by Jennifer Furlong

Dear Professors, Let’s Be Better than This

4/23/2018

I am appalled at the behavior of some professors. Should we not hold ourselves to higher standards? Case in point. If you haven’t heard about Fresno State English professor Randa Jarrar by now, you’ve been hiding under a rock. She’s the professor who tweeted detestable remarks in response to the death of former First Lady Barbara Bush. Acting like a class bully, she resorted to name-calling. And like an irresponsible, immature child, handed out the phone number to a suicide hotline. I’m not going to debate whether or not her tweets were out of line or crass. Clearly, they were. Just see for yourself.

I’m not even going to debate if the university should punish her. That’s up to the administration. But if they decide to dole out any type of punishment, I won’t lose any sleep over it.

Queue the “I-can-say-whatever-I-want-because-of-free-speech-and-if-you-don’t-agree-with-me-you’re-anti-free-speech” crowd. Hold the fuck up.

Of course I support free speech. It’s why I’m able to write the word “fuck” on my blog. Jarrar’s observation about being American and saying what she wants is correct. You go girl. Say whatever the hell you want. But please don’t get it twisted.

Freedom of speech does not equate to freedom from judgment or reprisal.

Yes, Jarrar, I’m now speaking directly to you. I personally don’t care if you’re a representative of your school or simply a citizen whenever you decide to vomit your degrading, demeaning, and derogatory statements all over the Internet. As a human being I find your lack of empathy disturbing and your overall point of view completely short-sighted. You are the perfect example of how decent human beings should not behave. Your negative attitude is a disease that unfortunately, seems to be eating away at our society.

As professors, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard. We are supposed to be role models. It surprises me that as an English professor, you lack the ability to express yourself in a more constructive way.

I’m not delusional. I know you you’ll continue to think you’re a bad-ass, when in fact, you’re just an ass. You’ll likely continue to spew venom whenever you open your mouth and your laptop.

In the end, you’ve managed to fool yourself into believing you stand for something. In reality, you’re nothing but a bully with an over-sized ego who likes to throw virtual rocks at old people.

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My Problem with Pink

3/3/2018

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Photo by Jen Furlong.

Monday, October 9, 2017 will forever be burned into my memory as the day I found out I have breast cancer. Fast forward almost 5 months later, past the surgeries, the radiation, the tears, the frustration, the fear. I’m so ready to move on.

When I finished 29 of 30 treatments yesterday, I pulled out of the hospital parking lot and noticed the plethora of pink stickers all over the back of the car in front of me. I found myself wondering why was I not as motivated as many of these other women to wear pink pins on my clothes, or pink ribbons around my wrists, or a pink hat on my head, or get a pink tattoo, or place pink magnets and stickers on the back of my car? Why am I so timid about making my battle public in such a visual way? As a matter of fact, this is the first time I’ve blogged about my cancer. Is there something wrong with me? Am I still in denial? Am I still hoping the oncologist will call me and say, “Guess what? We got it all wrong. Turns out, you don’t have cancer. How ‘bout that?” Perhaps.

Then, another woman posted the same question to a breast cancer support group’s social media page this morning. She felt the same as I and was genuinely curious. Why so much pink everywhere? I felt relief I wasn’t alone in my confusion and in my complete apathy for pink and the ribbons that almost always accompany it.

The responses were heartfelt and moving. Some were even defensive. For some, this is the single most difficult thing they’ve ever had to try to overcome in their whole life. All the pink served as a reminder they are a fighter. They were proud of their survivor status. Others were not only battling cancer, but also had already lost loved ones to the cursed disease, so all the pink was in memory of those loved ones who died. Their answers make sense. I feel the same way; yet, I still find myself recoiling from most things that are cancer-related and pink. It’s been so confusing because pink is one of my favorite colors, but despite that fact, some days I avoid wearing a pink sweater or a pink blouse (even though they have nothing to do with breast cancer) because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m wearing that color because I have breast cancer. I know. It’s weird.

After reading all the responses and seeing I’m not alone in my feelings, I felt somewhat better, but still needed to explore why I feel so differently from many of my brave, pink sisters. So naturally, I decided to think about it out loud by writing about it. I hope others who feel the same way will get some type of comfort from this admission.

The reasons why I don’t openly wear pink ribbons or put pink stuff on my car and most likely won’t ever, ever, ever, get a pink tattoo:

I don’t want that to be all you think about when you talk to me. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely understand the value of talking things out when I’m upset or need to vent. But most of the time, I just want to feel normal again. It’s fine if you know me and already know I’m battling cancer and you ask me how I’m doing. But after that, let’s move on. Let’s talk about the kids and school and work and the business of just being a parent or a spouse. Let’s talk about who the Dawgs are recruiting for the upcoming football season and swap some more recipes for some really fattening desserts. Honestly, it’s nice to have some relief from the cancer talk.
This may sound conceited, but there are some pretty interesting things you could know about me and they have nothing to do with me having cancer. A part of me just feels like if I have stickers all over my car and wear all the paraphernalia I might as well as just wear a neon sign on my forehead that shouts to the world, “HEY I HAVE CANCER AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT.” At this point, let me push the pause button…I’m not saying this is what motivates my pink sisters. I’m just saying I don’t want to advertise it. I personally don’t like the attention. Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless introvert. Who knows?
I’ve got bigger fish to fry. Honestly, having to stop what I’m doing in the middle of the day to go get my treatments has been the most frustrating and irritating thing ever. I know I shouldn’t complain too much. After all, it’s much better to be inconvenienced than dead. I know. I know. But you see, I’m in Year 2 of my PhD program and seriously need my time back! I’m so behind in my writing it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I have classes to teach and assignments to grade. I can imagine some of you are thinking, “She really needs to sort out her priorities.” You’re probably right. But I feel keeping my focus on the end game, whether that be graduation or writing another book or preparing another TEDx talk, is the biggest motivator to keep me moving forward and to not wallow in self-pity while eating ice cream and binge-watching shows on Netflix. (Although I have been known to do the latter quite often).
I don’t want this to be the experience that defines my character. I’ve never been the type to enjoy anyone saying, “Oh you poor thing” or “Bless your heart” to me. Being a victim or feeling like a victim is simply just not in my nature. I’ve always been a fighter. Having cancer is not going to change this. I’ve always been an achiever. Having cancer is not going to stop this. I’ve always been a problem-solver. And having cancer is just another problem to solve.

After spending way more time thinking about this topic than I should have this morning, here’s my conclusion. Having cancer is one of many bumps in the road some of us will have to navigate around in this drag race we call life. Like any other obstacle, I plan to drive right through it and stick my middle finger out the window at it as I watch it fade away in the rear-view mirror. I don’t need or want pink ribbons all over my possessions to remind me of my battle with cancer; nor do I want cancer to be the focal point of my existence while I’m still existing. Full disclosure - I do have some pink ribbon socks and a t-shirt. Most of the time I wear them to bed.

Finally, I have no delusions this battle is over. I have one more radiation treatment to go followed by at least five years of the medication, tamoxifen, and the knowledge that it’s possible for the cancer to come back at any time while I live out the rest of my days. But while I’m living out the rest of my days, I want to focus on other things besides cancer.

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Women and Sexism: We're Not as Weak as You Think

1/7/2018

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Image by Devlin Thompson CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

I was engaged in an interesting debate online regarding the concepts of racism and sexism. It all started with this comment posted by a Facebook friend:

Annnnnnnd queue the keyboard warriors. This debate is interesting for many reasons. First, it clearly shows that people have vastly different ideas of what the terms racism and sexism mean. A few (including myself) even provided definitions from external sources. I’m not going to post all of the different definitions here. You can easily look them up for yourself. Suffice it to say, just as with any word, there are multiple meanings, so everyone in this debate arguing over the definition wasn’t entirely wrong.

I’m writing today to focus on the concept of sexism and power. We’ll save racism for another day. Because I believe there is a myth being perpetuated that is a danger to all women everywhere. Sexism is not the myth I’m talking about. Yes, sexism absolutely exists. That’s not even up for debate. I’m talking about the myth that sexism is based on power and that women do not have power; therefore, they cannot be sexist. Let’s drill down further, to this concept of power, where I believe, underscores our differing perceptions. Look at the following responses to the above comment:

I want to focus on the idea that women are not in power. Can women have power? If you go by the response here, “Because she is not in power,” the answer must be no. The default presumption is a man has power and a woman doesn’t. Before continuing, it’s important to note the person who posted this comment is female. It’s an important factor because it made me realize just how completely different two women’s mindsets can be regarding the idea of power and how it pertains to us as women.
In her mind, women automatically do not have power. I take this to mean, regardless the situation, regardless the people involved, regardless of the professional / social role, a woman is powerless. No ma'am. Not me. Not ever. Not in 2018.

My jaw drops at this bleak outlook of our sex. I think it’s completely wrong. Women, listen up, please.

WE. ARE. NOT. POWERLESS.

Even systemically. Hear me out.

The most blatant form of sexism I have ever personally encountered was when I made the decision at the age of 17 to join the U.S. Marine Corps. I’ll give you two examples. Example 1 involves sexism demonstrated by a black male. Example 2 involves sexism demonstrated by a white female.

Example 1: I walked into the recruiting station and declared I wanted to be a Marine. The recruiter told me to sit down at his desk and wait so that he could walk down the hall to an office located in the back of the recruiting station to talk to his superior. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear them. Here’s what I remember the conversation sounding like:

Gunny, this girl is here and says she wants to be a Marine. What do I gotta do to get rid of her?
Give her the tests, and when she fails them, get rid of her.

Blatant sexism, right? Easy one to spot. And on the surface, you might even think they were able to be sexist because they were in power. You’d be wrong though. I was not powerless.

If I were powerless, I would not have had the option to become a Marine in the first place. The option was still there. If I were powerless, I would not have played their game and maxed out on all the tests. If I were powerless, I would not have made it to Parris Island. If I were powerless, I would not have been a graduating member of the Honor Platoon at Parris Island. If I were powerless, I would never have worn that uniform.

Going back to that critical moment in time, facing the blatant sexism, I realize it had NOTHING to do with power, systemic or otherwise. It had everything to do with PERCEIVED power. Truly, in that moment in time, I was the one with all the power because I was the one with the choice. I was the only one who could make the decision to stay or run.

I’m going to move on to the next part of this myth, that women cannot be sexist, and go ahead and call bullshit on that idea.

Example 2: My mother brought one of her biker buddies home from the bar as a scare tactic to convince me to not join the service. He was an older Vietnam vet who served in the Army. He yelled at me for quite some time, telling me I’d never make it as a Marine, and if I did, they would just send me to Guam where I would be raped repeatedly every day. Yes. That happened. Thanks, mom. No really. Thanks. Because that experience only strengthened my resolve.

Let’s focus on my mother and how this is an example of how a woman can be sexist. Merriam-Webster online defines sexism as:

As you can see, the definitions include nothing about power, but they do define sexism in relation to attitudes and behaviors that promulgate discrimination based on sex. It also points out sexism tends to happen especially against women. But that doesn’t mean women can’t be sexist. My mother didn’t think I could make it as a Marine because I’m a girl. Plain and simple. Whether her actions were based on fear and wanting to protect her daughter doesn’t matter. It’s a moot point. At the end of the day, her actions were based on her belief in a stereotype that women (especially her daughter) should not, and could not, make it in the Marine Corps. That, by all standards of the actual definition according to Merriam-Webster, is sexism. So, yes, a woman can be sexist (whether she is fostering stereotypes of men or women).

Let’s shift the focus again back to the concept of power and the belief that women don’t have any. Even in the second example, I was not powerless. Again, because I was the one with the power of choice.

I was the only one who had any real power in both of those situations where I experienced sexism. I had the power, because I had the power of choice. Regardless of what I overheard in the recruiter’s office, I had a choice to run and cry about it or to stay and prove them wrong. Regardless of my mother’s attempts, I had a choice to fall in line or to move forward and prove her wrong.

In the end, my main goal in writing this is to leave a clear and loud message to all the young women out there trying to figure out where you stand in this crazy world. Don’t you ever let anyone (your mother, father, friends, teachers, or politicians) tell you just because you’re a woman that you don’t have power.
THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT. It’s condescending. It’s patronizing. And it’s a completely dangerous mindset that only serves to undermine and undo your belief in yourself and in your ability to achieve your goals. FUCK THAT.

You have all the power in the world! Yes, sexism exists, and it can be expressed by anyone and everyone, regardless of status and their perceived power. The ONLY time a sexist can have power over you is if you allow it. So, don’t.

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It's Just Not Logical: Fallacies Taking Over Social Media

12/14/2017

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Picture courtesy https://www.historyguy.com/

It’s no secret misinformation runs rampant through social media. The great thing about living in the current information age? Everybody now has a voice. The worst thing about living in the current information age? Everybody now has a voice. And it feels like nobody knows how to think critically anymore. We now live in the age of memes and snap-chats with the number one goal of making sure content goes viral. The best way to ensure content goes viral is through emotional appeal. Logic and reasoning be damned. If I can make you laugh, or cry, or feel anger, or hope, you are more likely to share my content with others. Research shows there is an association with emotion and the diffusion of information. I discuss the value of emotional appeal in The Three Pillars of Persuasion. Now, I feel the need to explain the dangers in relying only on emotional appeal, especially at the expense of logic.

As the old saying goes, to err is to be human. I think this phrase needs to be updated to reflect today’s society. To err in the use of logic and reasoning is to be a 21st century human using social media.

I have been accused more than once of being too logical and not emotional enough. Perhaps this is why I feel such a strong connection to one of the most revered characters in pop culture history – Spock.

We can learn a lot from Spock. As a matter fact, we need to inject the logic back into our human brains. Stop being so damn emotional about everything we see online. But how to do that? Allow me to explain it to you. First, you need stop being a lazy ass when it comes to determining whether the information sitting in front of you is complete and utter bullshit. Yes, it might take more than 30 seconds of research to arrive at the truth. Second, you must realize that not everyone who has shared content on their timeline has vetted it for accuracy. People are lazy creatures and tend to move toward the path of least resistance. Just assume they clicked the 'share' button without fact-checking because it's easier. Third, understand just because you agree with it doesn’t mean it’s true. Those ultra-conservative and ultra-liberal websites you insist on sharing are only telling you what you already believe. How about challenging yourself for once? And fourth, you need to acknowledge your own participation in the spreading of misinformation and admit to your own use of logical fallacies.

I can’t blame you too much for that last one. Many of you wouldn’t even know how to spot a logical fallacy if it hit you right in the face. You use them because you erroneously believe them to be evidence, when in fact, they are evidence of your lack of reasoning. So here are three logical fallacies for you to avoid using (and to spot in others) before you spread anymore bullshit around the Interwebs. (More to come later. Don’t want to reach information overload here).

1. Hasty Generalization – I see so many people in arguments on social media who believe because it happened to them and/or also someone they know, it must be true for everyone. See this logical fallacy play out in this clip of Ted Crockett, campaign manager for Roy Moore, trying to explain why Muslim’s shouldn’t be allowed to serve in public office.

Crockett uses the examples of him swearing his oath of office as well as the President’s use of the Bible when swearing into office as the reason Muslims should not be allowed to hold public office. He illogically assumes that because he did it and the President did it that everyone must also have to swear on the Bible, when public officials may choose any text to take their oath of office.

And this isn't the only example out there. Facebook is the perfect breeding ground for hasty generalizations. You see one or two examples of something happening an automatically assume that means it's happening everywhere to everybody.

2. Ad hominem – This fallacy is rampant in social media. Many of you are guilty of using this fallacy and some of you have probably used it in an online argument today. When you attack the individual personally rather than stick to the topic of debate, you are engaged in the ad hominem fallacy. And this just happened to me the other day. In response to an article posted online discussing whether people are ready to eat meat created in a lab versus real meat from real animals, I posted my opinion. I stated I personally, would rather eat real meat instead of lab-created meat mainly because the research on the health benefits are inconclusive at this point. One person was swift to say I should eat the lab created meat because of climate change. I responded the research is not enough to convince me the benefits outweigh the risks at this point. He then called me a narcissist. And then he called me a troll. I said so be it. Apparently, I’m a narcissistic troll who likes to eat real meat at the peril of the planet. He couldn’t use logic and reasoning to convince me to agree with him, so he resorted to name-calling. This is an every day occurrence on social media and it must stop.

3. Either-or – This fallacy gives the impression there are only two choices. Just think about all the arguments that exist online between those who label themselves as Democrats versus those who label themselves Republicans. The “you’re either with us or against us” mentality is rampant in both parties. How many of these quotes sound familiar? “If you didn't vote for Hillary, you’re a racist.” “If you didn't vote for Trump, you want the terrorists to win.” “You have to vote Dem or Rep or you’re wasting your vote.”

What makes this fallacy in logic so dangerous is it forces a person into believing there are only two alternatives, when in fact more than two alternatives usually exist. The world does not exist in only black and white; there are many shades of gray. Furthermore, it implies that if you disagree with the one and only answer I'm already looking for, then you are automatically in the wrong and shows a serious lack of critical thinking or creative thinking abilities.

These are just three of the many fallacies that exist. There are many more logical fallacies that can be found all over social media, but these are three of the most recent ones I have seen just in the past couple of days. If you have examples you don’t mind me sharing, please send them along! I’d love to see them.