Photo courtesy: Jason Lam, CC BY 2.0 The message you send may not be the message received.
If the students who take any of my communication classes learn nothing but one important lesson, I hope this is the one.
The message you send may not be the message received.
This lesson applies to not only face-to-face interactions, but to all interactions. It doesn’t matter if it’s in person, over the phone, through a text message, or social media, the results are all the same. If you’re not mindful of the messages you are sending and how they may be perceived, then you run into a higher probability of developing foot-in-mouth disease…or more commonly expressed as “Oops! I didn’t mean it like that!”
If you don’t practice mindfulness on a daily basis, then you’re probably the person who spends most days apologizing for something you “didn’t mean.” And that is not the other person’s fault. That is completely your fault.
But what can you do to make up for the lack of mindfulness when you have that “oops” moment? Of course, the best thing to do is to not have it happen in the first place, but alas, we are human. And to human is to err and to be perceived as a complete jackass at times. It’s hard to monitor our own communications. Many times we incorrectly equate our right to freedom of speech with the right to say anything without repercussions.
Sometimes you just have to ask yourself not “can I say this,” rather “should I say this?”
There’s a big difference. And by asking yourself that one question, you are practicing the art of mindfulness. Continue to practice mindfulness and the embarrassing moments won’t happen as often.
Unfortunately, being perceived as an asshole or a bigot due a temporary brain fart in the effective communication skills department can have much larger implications than just an embarrassing moment. It can lead to strained friendships, broken workplace relationships, being fired. And if you’re a celebrity? Be ready for the very public smear campaign by those who you most offended.
This concept of mindfulness of how your message may be perceived doesn’t just apply to individuals. It’s a concept that organizations need to remember as well.
Take a look at the photo below that was published in the March 22 issue of De Morgen, a Belgian daily newspaper.
If the students who take any of my communication classes learn nothing but one important lesson, I hope this is the one.
The message you send may not be the message received.
This lesson applies to not only face-to-face interactions, but to all interactions. It doesn’t matter if it’s in person, over the phone, through a text message, or social media, the results are all the same. If you’re not mindful of the messages you are sending and how they may be perceived, then you run into a higher probability of developing foot-in-mouth disease…or more commonly expressed as “Oops! I didn’t mean it like that!”
If you don’t practice mindfulness on a daily basis, then you’re probably the person who spends most days apologizing for something you “didn’t mean.” And that is not the other person’s fault. That is completely your fault.
But what can you do to make up for the lack of mindfulness when you have that “oops” moment? Of course, the best thing to do is to not have it happen in the first place, but alas, we are human. And to human is to err and to be perceived as a complete jackass at times. It’s hard to monitor our own communications. Many times we incorrectly equate our right to freedom of speech with the right to say anything without repercussions.
Sometimes you just have to ask yourself not “can I say this,” rather “should I say this?”
There’s a big difference. And by asking yourself that one question, you are practicing the art of mindfulness. Continue to practice mindfulness and the embarrassing moments won’t happen as often.
Unfortunately, being perceived as an asshole or a bigot due a temporary brain fart in the effective communication skills department can have much larger implications than just an embarrassing moment. It can lead to strained friendships, broken workplace relationships, being fired. And if you’re a celebrity? Be ready for the very public smear campaign by those who you most offended.
This concept of mindfulness of how your message may be perceived doesn’t just apply to individuals. It’s a concept that organizations need to remember as well.
Take a look at the photo below that was published in the March 22 issue of De Morgen, a Belgian daily newspaper.
Talk about an “oops!” moment.
The photo, which was published on March 22, 2014 was used as a “joke” according to the newspaper. The International Business Times reported on its website, “The paper joked that the photo was sent by Russian President Vladimir Putin who is at odds with Mr. Obama over the Crimea annexation by Russia.”
In an article titled, “Is De Morgen racist?” the editorial staff issued the following apology, “De Morgen apologises to anyone who took offence at the concerned passage in the newspaper. We are sorry. In this case we are guilty of bad taste.”
So, at the end of the day, the newspaper claimed that the use of this photo was purely satire. It was meant to be taken as a joke, but clearly it was not perceived as one by many people.
Whether the staff meant it as a joke or not is a moot point by now, but the daily paper at least admitted that the “joke” was in bad taste. Instead of letting the apology stand however, the paper continued to dig its hole even deeper by attempting to rationalize its use of the image of President Obama and the First Lady photo shopped to look like apes. The New York Times reported on its website that the paper “essentially absolved itself of the charge” by reporting in an editorial that its “regular readers” would have understood the satire.
In “Is De Morgen racist?” the editorial recognized that people throughout the world were upset by the use of the picture. The article compared the angry reactions of people from various countries including the Netherlands, multiple African countries, and the U.S. to the reactions of Belgians. The paper claimed that the “tone is calmer in Belgium.” It recommended the reason could be because many [in Belgium] understand the paper “simply had a lapse of poor judgment.” I’m certain the editors meant that they had a lapse in good judgment. Regardless, this issue is anything but simple.
Never mind the apologies. The perception that the paper is run by racists is out there. The editors responsible for this showed a complete lack of mindfulness. In their attempt at humor, they came across as bigoted instead. And the perception is all that matters.
The editors wrote, “The editorial staff now realizes that this risk was not assessed enough in advance.”
Yep, that is a bitter pill to swallow.
Always remember to be mindful of the message you are communicating, whether it be a word used, a picture posted, an outfit worn, or a gesture made.
The message you send may not be the message received.
The photo, which was published on March 22, 2014 was used as a “joke” according to the newspaper. The International Business Times reported on its website, “The paper joked that the photo was sent by Russian President Vladimir Putin who is at odds with Mr. Obama over the Crimea annexation by Russia.”
In an article titled, “Is De Morgen racist?” the editorial staff issued the following apology, “De Morgen apologises to anyone who took offence at the concerned passage in the newspaper. We are sorry. In this case we are guilty of bad taste.”
So, at the end of the day, the newspaper claimed that the use of this photo was purely satire. It was meant to be taken as a joke, but clearly it was not perceived as one by many people.
Whether the staff meant it as a joke or not is a moot point by now, but the daily paper at least admitted that the “joke” was in bad taste. Instead of letting the apology stand however, the paper continued to dig its hole even deeper by attempting to rationalize its use of the image of President Obama and the First Lady photo shopped to look like apes. The New York Times reported on its website that the paper “essentially absolved itself of the charge” by reporting in an editorial that its “regular readers” would have understood the satire.
In “Is De Morgen racist?” the editorial recognized that people throughout the world were upset by the use of the picture. The article compared the angry reactions of people from various countries including the Netherlands, multiple African countries, and the U.S. to the reactions of Belgians. The paper claimed that the “tone is calmer in Belgium.” It recommended the reason could be because many [in Belgium] understand the paper “simply had a lapse of poor judgment.” I’m certain the editors meant that they had a lapse in good judgment. Regardless, this issue is anything but simple.
Never mind the apologies. The perception that the paper is run by racists is out there. The editors responsible for this showed a complete lack of mindfulness. In their attempt at humor, they came across as bigoted instead. And the perception is all that matters.
The editors wrote, “The editorial staff now realizes that this risk was not assessed enough in advance.”
Yep, that is a bitter pill to swallow.
Always remember to be mindful of the message you are communicating, whether it be a word used, a picture posted, an outfit worn, or a gesture made.
The message you send may not be the message received.
